Wandering With C: Semester Confessions

So go ahead and lie to yourself, and pretend that you're a ray of light when you're a broken candle.
You're keeping time with yourself. When did it all start moving way too fast for you to handle?
Short on breath, heavy on time you lost the words but you found the rhyme; it's all just poetry now.

So catch it, it's so contagious,

this daydreamers disease.

Hope can be your sword,

slaying darkness with belief.
And we don't really care who you are,

regardless of how lost you are returning from,

regardless of how far.
So bring me all the worst of your broken, bruised, insane,

because that's the thing with music,

when it hits you feel no pain.
No matter what you did, I promise we forgave it--

all that's left is your voice, you got no choice but to raise it.
All you broken hearts, all you dejected dreams

just let yourself be free because even broken wings can fly away.

In time you'll find, this life's a painting and you're the artist.
Just open your eyes it's never to late to clear your canvas.
So paint me jealous, paint me rage;

for gods sakes paint me anything.
Just paint, your brush awaits.

I'm going to be honest, this semester has been the hardest of my life. Like everyone else here, I've dealt with failures, challenges, plateaus, and pain. My internal battles have seemed never-ending, even hopeless, and, at times, I've felt alone in them. There were days, weeks even, when I both physically and mentally felt like there was no way in hell I could leave my bed. My roommates probably think I'm the weirdest person ever, honestly. I've been a bit numb almost, like I had just been drifting in and out of consciousness. I may have lost a bit of myself, but I found even more. This semester has also been the absolute best of my life; sure, I've cried a bit, but I've laughed a lot. I've found a place. I've made friends who I'm sure will be in my life and heart for my entire existence, I've met the most talented, inspiring people, and let's be honest, I LIVE with a few of them; I've had so many opportunities just laid out in front of me. I've changed my internet appearance and I've changed my point of view. I've made party plans, travel plans, and life plans.

Hi, I'm Chantel and I'm terrified.
I don't have it all figured out. I don't know which of my passions are my calling. I don't have a meticulously thought up life plan, and that's troubling to me. But I'm excited as well. I'm ready for everything next semester. I'm ready to learn more about who I am and what I want. I'm ready to go to new places and meet new people. I'm excited by the future, but I'm still absolutely in love with the now, and I hope you all feel the same.

PS- I HIGHLY recommend reading this article written by one of my crazy talented friends. It's important.